Self esteem and you

Who do you think is the most important person in your life? You, of course! And how do you usually treat people who are important to you? Did you know that sitting quietly can boost your self esteem?

Surely it’s getting out there and achieving your goals that define your self worth and self respect! Actually, if self worth is based only on looks, relationships and career, we won’t have real self esteem. All of these things come and go. This is why almost all of us have a self esteem issue!

How to improve our self esteem?
Appreciate yourself. One of the greatest killers of self esteem is the habit of comparison and imitation. It stops us from being ourselves as we compare faces, figures, fitness, intelligence etc. And so the first and most important step in building our self esteem is to break the habit of comparison, and to stop unconsciously trying to be like someone else. Consider yourself to be a wonderful, individual and special person - and there is no one quite like you.

What are your own talents?
What makes you unique?

Spend time with yourself. We always make time for people we love. Make time for you! Even if it’s just sitting and doing nothing. Enjoy this time. It is yours - and yours alone. And you deserve it.

How would you use the time and space you create for yourself?
What would you like to discover at the core of your being?

Accentuate the positive. Finding fault with ourselves is guaranteed to puncture any enthusiasm we may have. The key is to stop letting our negative points overwhelm our good ones and so poison our self-image. Become aware of your personal strengths. Then begin to build on them.

What are your strengths and capabilities?
How do you compensate for weaknesses?

Stop being an inner critic. Many people undermine their self-esteem by negative self-talk: "I look terrible," or "I sure am tired," or "I'm, fat, silly, stupid, clumsy, a failure" and so on. Soon they start believing it and sometimes actually develop the problem. Negative statements can be generalisations - learn to question them and make them specific to a moment of time or task, that way you’ll be able to move on. Remember it’s also good to learn from getting things wrong.

Are you aware of your self talk and do you monitor it?
How do you prevent the inner critic from having the last word?

Start being an inner coach. Recognise that while we may not be brilliant and have all the skills now – we can and will learn. Rather than feel, “I’m no good”. Instead coach yourself, “How did I do, what did I not do too well, and what do I still need to learn”. You also can use visualization techniques to boost your self-esteem and hone your skills. Experiments with people in sports have shown that visualizing a winning performance just before the event markedly improved their results.

How do you visualise yourself, your relationships and work to be when you’re at your best?
How do you encourage yourself?

Accepting criticism. You know how strong and stable your self-esteem is when someone criticises you, or when you hear what someone has been saying about you behind your back. When someone criticises you, learn to listen - don't interrupt or start giving excuses. If there’s any validity in the criticism – agree, and ask yourself how you would like to change. When you're wrong, admit it and apologise. If the criticism is wrong or unfair say: 'That’s an interesting point of view, I'm afraid this time, I don't agree with you.'

Imagine someone close to you, criticising you, how do you remain calm and in control?
When you last listened while staying open, how did it empower you?

Self esteem is obviously no small subject, and the above may just get you started. If you’d like to discover more, why not try a free course with us?
At Inner Space we believe it’s important to enhance personal self-confidence, self-worth and self-respect. The free Self Esteem course looks at how to manage negative emotions, create healthy relationships and be assertive without being aggressive.

Inner Space is a meditation and information centre for the Brahma Kumaris, an international organisation working at all levels for positive change. For more details: www.innerspace.org.uk or call 020 7836 6688.

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